That said, some of these are the greatest songs ever made and one day I WILL get 'Krunk' - if and when that term comes back.
This is a selection of what I will tentatively label Slagology.
"I got a double bed, One's to sleep on the other one's to get my freak on"
Chappelle has got Kelly covered on this one. In summary: "...and they gave a 15 yr old boy life in jail. If you think that it's okay to give him life in jail then it should be legal to pee on him. That's all I'm sayin' ".
"Unforgettable. Fiddy Cent -dee cent. Justen -ten. Timberlan -lan. Goddam -dam".
Masterpiece.
"But we kick 'em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger"
Kesha is rough - in a grisly roadkill kind of way. She has the traits of a Jagger, which makes the above quotation quite disturbing. Sooner or later Mick's gonna fuck one of his many illegitimate children making this a very, very tragic song. But, this song does make me happy in ways I don't quite understand. Perhaps it's the possibility she's immortalised her Oedipal mistake in a catchy pop song? Yeah, I think that's it, the irony thing init?
"I'm Horny! Horny, horny, horny! So horny, I'm horny, horny, horny tonight."
Primary School was the first time I wondered 'is there any point to life?' It gave me something to think about while I sat through the mandatory school discos resenting songs like this one.
"some of them call me Einstein. I'm a lyrical dan."
The idiocy more than speaks for itself.......it also rhymes over a beat.
"Ooh move your body girl, makes the fellas go. The way you ride it girl makes the fellas go"
Ethnics will always be a commodity. Proof of this is the periodic appropriation of their culture into the mainstream symbolically signalled by a caucasian's successful integration. For example, Hip Hop found a new audience when Save the Last Dance came out. Similarly, Reggaeton had its time and Latinos had the pleasure of shedding Ricky Martin as THE example of 'Latin Music' in the mainstream.
"There's something oh so sexy about the kinda woman that don't even need my help"
At first I thought this is some patronising bullshit. But, perhaps he genuinely misses the insulting contradiction of complementing a woman for doing a 'man's job'. I can imagine him, in an earnest effort to impress, using the cliched conceit of comparing women to a work of art and suggesting Coolidge's ubiquitous, Dog's playing poker as analogous to their profundity. Cos they're like dogs playing poker init?
"I melt in your hands girl, not in your hands (ha ha)"
Slags hate this song the way magicians hate the masked magician because it introduces a moment of self-consciousness during their respective 'acts' - something along the lines of, "they already know how this works, so why bother?" The only polite thing to do anymore is to act surprised.
Conversely, this is the most assuring song. Hearing this song is like seeing John Terry walk into a nightclub.....with a string of condoms shaped like a lasso..."next thing you know shawty got LOW LOW LOW LOW low low"
"Sweat until my clothes come off"
The word 'buck-wild' comes to mind as does the heady musk of sweat and fake-tan bearing on you like a cross. I've heard this compared to "wanking with a hot towel over your head". Intense.
"Bluffing with my muffin"
Powerful stuff.
And the rest:
Madison Avenue - Don't call me baby
P.Diddy - Last Night (There's something about the combination of a slick beat, talk/singing and dumb lyrics)
Sean Paul - Get Busy / Breathe
Britney Spears - Gimme More
Khia - My Neck, My Back
Chingy - One Call away / Holiday Inn
Usher - Yeah
Nelly Furtado - Maneater
Katy Perry - I kissed a girl
Booty Luv- Some kinda rush
Calvin Harris - Girls
Lil' Jon - Get Low
Kelis - Milkshake
Mason - Perfect
Lil' Wayne - Got Money / Lollypop
Fedde Le Grande - Put your hands up
Eric Prydz - (pretty much anything or anything under 'Ministry of Sound' like this.)
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